It's been years since I've been this low. I just don't know what to say regarding my future. How do you care about someone so much, yet live with the guilt of hurting them so much? How did I get to this place in life? Why have I been in pain and scared my entire life? Why can't I remember a day in my life when I didn't have fear? And, why do I keep hurting people? Why have I lived with such guilt my entire life? I have never felt comfortable or at ease. Ever. Even as a kid. It was constant worry and fear.
I do not know what to do from here. I have no interest in anything now. I will go through the motions only to try to mask my depression. And I will try to put on a happy face for friends to avoid the perception of depression. No one would understand if they knew. How do I listen to music ever again?
I don't know what I'm going to do.
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