There are no words for what I'm going through.

I was so disappointed when I woke up this morning and realized I was still alive.   I have ruined lives and I have lost my best friend.  She did not deserve any of this.  If I could take it all back, I would.  If I could not have made that trip that day, I'd take it all back.  How close I was to not going.  She will get over me eventually.  While that kills me to say it, because of the selfish rejection I will feel, I have to pray to God to help me know that all that matters is what is best for her.  And what is best for her is for her to be happy and get over me.  I have caused so much pain and disappointment to those close to me throughout life.  And now I've added another person to that list of those I've hurt.  A precious, wonderful, unbelievably incredible person that I have hurt so bad.  I have faith that time will heal her.