Why do I keep doing this, writing to no one but myself? It's been such a hard day..................not that every previous one hasn't been extremely difficult. I'm so tired. And I'm tired of being sick. I feel so alone and so, so extremely far away and forgotten. And there is no one that can understand. I feel the separation growing by the minute................if it's not already too big to ever mend. I feel so alone and forgotten. How quickly my dreams and fantasies have become things in the past and painful memories. I don't even dream anymore. And the fantasies, unfortunately, they are now more real and painful. The images of who I need are killing me. And they won't stop. Every fantasy of true love is immediately filled in with images of her. It's like I'm being tortured, forced to think about them and I cannot turn off my racing mind.
I have to quit writing this shit to myself. I have to quit being weak.
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