Sick

What a rotten day.  God I'm so tired of everything and everyone.  I'm sick of everything.  Now I'm not only hurting, I'm angry and so want to wake up tomorrow with no memory of my previous life.  I can't wait to leave town this weekend and be away from this crappy place and everything I have on me.  Maybe I can go away and forget everyone and everything.  I am so tired and so worn down.  I'm quickly getting to the place where I just don't give a shit anymore.  My life was not supposed to be like this.

The daylight hours are quickly diminishing.  As I drove home from the pool this morning, the eastern sky was just getting orange.  I loved it.  I thought of all thoses times I've travelled and left several hours before dawn over the years and how I loved the peace of driving while the rest of the world was still sleeping.  I always hated it when the sun finally came up, because that meant the rest of the world would be getting up and I would no longer be alone.  I miss it so much and long for a road trip.  I remember twice during the past few years driving from Wichita, Kansas, to Manhattan, Kansas, in the cold, October, pre-dawn hours, through the boring Kansas landscape with nothing but occasional headlights from trucks, seeing the dew everywhere.  It was so peaceful.  How much better it would be in my pickup truck with that special other half next to you, sleeping on your shoulder, or munching on coffee and donuts with you, listening to some late night talk show on the radio.  It would be heaven.  Not that I would know.  But I can fantasize and feel all warm and fuzzy thinking about it.  I hope I can atleast do it again by myself someday.