Nothing.

It is truly an amazing thing to meet someone so wonderful, so steady, so mature and so perfect that you can't put them into words.  She is beyond description and has truly left me speechless.  It has also been emotionally and physically debilitating, because I cannot have her and experience real life with her.  Even in this darkest of times, she has only shown what a mature and resilient and patient and truly incredible human being she is. Which only makes me yearn more................and hurt more.  My life is empty.  I can't flip a switch.  I can't control what feelings generate inside me.  So how do I erase from my memory and heart what I know is out there?  How do I go on without my best friend?