I don't live in a bubble.

Causing myself pain and suffering is one thing. Causing someone else that you love to go through it is quite a different thing.  I feel the pain that is being felt by her 24/7...............and at this moment.  It is not fair.  It's not right.  If I could take it all back, I would.  I'm not sure I've ever felt bad regarding someone else's pain in life.  I do now.  Now is different.  Now the pain is being felt by the most awesome person in the world.  And it was caused by me.  You'd think that, by age 48, you be mature enough to have long since stopped making mistakes and hurting others.  I pray to God for her to find some peace today.  I pray to God for Him to help me lose my selfishness and bring her happiness without me.